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card reads "It's time to talk about the V-word (yes, it's vulnerability)"

Are you allowing yourself to be SEEN?

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It’s time to talk about the V word. (again!)  

No doubt you’ve been there — working on a scene that leaves you feeling a bit like…you haven’t totally “gone there”?  And deep down (if you really listen or dare to ask in the first place) you know it’s because the material exposes are part of you that may not feel so hot.  

I’m right there with you.  Hey—it can feel like sh*t!  Or it may feel like nothing– just like a big wall of nada.  

But, of course…It’s everything.

My teacher Larry Moss always talked about acting as being private in public which is really perfect.

A great way to practice vulnerability and help get you more comfortable being seen when those juicy, exciting roles come around is by practicing imperfection in safe moments in your daily life. Think of it as exposure therapy to being exposed.  Start building your comfort level by being vulnerable around safe people in your life, not just with how you look, but with how you speak, act, and express yourself. Consciously allow yourself to be seen, and you’ll start seeing the effects show up in your work.

If you want to dig even deeper (and since I’m writing this, I think you should!), set aside some time to reflect on why it’s so scary to show yourself, flaws and all.  We’re all taught to cover ourselves up at different points in our lives, and if you can pinpoint those moments, you can begin the work of unlearning your perfectionism. And I promise both your work and your life will benefit. 

Are you ready to be seen?

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Where in other areas can you practice imperfection? Can you practice being seen? You know, we’ve talked about this, but with the safe people in your life, what would happen if you didn’t have to look a certain way or be a certain way? And flirting with it in small ways. Because it does make a difference and it does translate to your work. The less you can care about—and it’s not just how you look, but it’s how we are perceived. It’s tangling up your value as a human with your value as an actor. And you’re going to have to be able to break that mirror and let all that ugliness hang out and come out and be seen.


And I think, sometimes, going back in your life and seeing if you can identify some moments, some early moments, when you very first decided it wasn’t safe to be seen. When you very first decided, nope, I’m going to pack it all up, I’m not going to put myself out there. And you may have an early moment with a parent, with a teacher, with another kid. See what comes up and then do some writing about it. Do some purge writing, like ugly nasty writing. There’s something very real about those experiences that were really hurtful, and so going back and to actually let it out and write and write and do some free writing and then burn it. Those moments…those moments are very defining, so let’s go back and just…

how to show up for yourself

Try this to get motivated and stay committed

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Ohhh, it’s so easy to find reasons not to do the work we artists know we must do, isn’t it?  And yes of course — even when you’ve scheduled rehearsal time for yourself but then suddenly a sick friend needs your help you still show up for them.  But will you get that time you set aside for yourself back on the calendar?  

What if you started showing up for yourself like you do for your best friends? 

Try scheduling some “non-negotiable” time for yourself for the week.  Show up for you and get yourself into the cycle of success.  When you show up for yourself you produce results.  Those results give you confidence and that confidence gets you right back into action.  This is the cycle of success.  

Sometimes just starting is the hard part.  And if you fall off the horse–no prob–you get right back on.

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So maybe there’s a few things you can think about this week—so it’s Tuesday—going into the rest of the week with some intention and purpose:  here are my non-negotiables for this week. Right?  Here are my non-negotiables–meaning they’re as important as me showing up for a sick friend.  And it doesn’t mean that if somebody needs you for an emergency in a moment’s notice that you can’t be there, but it does mean that you want to reschedule and keep your commitments to you.

 

When I watch my kids accomplish something for the first time, you know something that they don’t think that they can do…when my daughter jumped off the hot tub, which is a high wall into her grandparents’ pool and it was too high–she thought it was too high and she watched this other kid do it.  She was like, I can’t I can’t I can’t, and then she did it. There’s that confidence that comes from that, I did it. I did it. And it springs you into action. It springs you into a cycle of success. And make it as important as being there for someone else. You need to show up for your best friend Renee.


So show up for you and give yourself that boost of like, I did that! And get yourself into that cycle of success. Result producing action producing confidence producing action producing confidence producing action… But it’s first about just getting in and getting going and getting started. And if you fall off, you get back on.

what to do when acting doesn't feel fun anymore

What to do when acting doesn’t feel fun anymore

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A lot of actors start to act because it’s fun.  But for some of you, as you get further into your careers, there are moments—or even long stretches of time—when you aren’t connecting to that fun anymore. 

At those often painful moments, it’s critical to ask yourself:  Why do I act?  You have a deeper reason or purpose for acting, whether this has occurred to you or not.  

When you feel challenged by roles that ask a lot of you (or frustrated by roles that don’t), it is imperative to come back to your “why” as a place to get grounded.  I love to encourage actors to create a personal manifesto or a mission statement around your purpose that you can come back to to get back on course or to help you stay there.

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And about sometimes going back to the reason why you act–what is this about for you? Why do you do this? And in the beginning I think for a lot of people it feels really fun and free, and then at some point along the way sometimes that fun gets a little bit lost, especially when you’re working on painful material or when you’re working on dark material and you’re working on these deep dark roles.

You know, I don’t believe in the tortured actor, I don’t believe you have to live a miserable, tortured life to play deep dark roles, but I do think that they require something, an opening up of you. So when you can really ask yourself what your purpose for acting is, and connect to that again, you’ll remember why it’s important for you to tell these stories. So it’s not about you. It’s about our shared experiences, it’s about connecting with an audience and stirring something up in them so that they see themselves in you. It’s about really really creating a personal manifesto, a personal mission for why you do this. Because otherwise it’s really easy to lose touch and say I just want to work on light, funny, sketchy stuff. Which is okay, too! You can go just do light, funny, sketchy stuff.

But I have a feeling that for a lot of you, and a lot of actors I know, get drawn to acting for a reason, and part of that is that want to go there, to be able to use yourself in the most full way. So even when you’re working on dramatic darker sadder angrier material and asking yourself what is this about for me? Why am I having a block here and where do I need to work? Do I need to work with a therapist? Do I need to do some journaling? Do I want to do some of these exercises? Do I need to punch and scream and take martial arts class? Do I need to go boxing every day and punch and work some stuff out?

the enemy of creativity

The Enemy of Creativity

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When it comes to your own creativity, what are the things that block you from getting in the flow?  What things stop you from doing the work you were put on this great earth to do?

Procrastination…email, kids, fear…sure.  

Here’s another sneaky culprit that may be sliding past you–one that could quite possibly be the biggest killer of your creative muse.  

Being a know-it-all.  

(Ugh, just typing that makes me feel gross.)    

But let’s be kind.  Truthfully, we probably have no idea we do this.  

In John Bradshaw’s book “Healing the Shame that Binds You” he talks about how we all have healthy shame and that it actually prevents us from being a know-it-all.  Healthy shame reminds us that we are human.  It keeps us in check.  

You know how you blush when you do something embarrassing (like accidentally knocking your full wine glass off the table with your head while impersonating someone tossing their hair back at that really nice restaurant)?  That’s your healthy shame kicking in.  It shows us our limits and keeps us from having a god complex.  The book also talks about how living in that “knowing everything” space keeps us from being open to possibility.  And that’s in the way of creativity.

This got me thinking about actors.  And, gulp…myself.

When I first started to really study acting in my early twenties I wanted to be good so badly.  I had been doing plays since I was little and really thought I knew how to act.  I had already been paid to do theatre so I must have known what I was doing.  If I’m being honest, I don’t think I even realized you could learn to act.  I sort of thought you are either good or you’re not–something you’re born with.  

When I started taking acting classes my subconscious goal was to impress everyone.  I wanted the teachers to tell me I was good to validate me as a human being.  And if I admitted I didn’t know anything, I would be admitting I had no value.  I was so afraid of people thinking I was an amatuer, I spent all my energy creating the facade of “professional” instead of actually becoming one.  

Luckily these days (while I don’t do it perfectly) I try to remember that coming from curiosity, or what Buddhists call Shoshin, or The Beginner’s Mind, is really where it’s at.  I remind myself that there isn’t any room for curiosity when I have all the answers.  Because in the end, I know it won’t really get me what I’m after.  

Drop a comment below and let me know what your personal biggest enemy to creativity is.  Extra points if you can admit to one time you acted like a know-it-all.



star quality

Do you have that elusive “star quality” in your work?

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You hear people talk about star quality...Actors…or, no, people, that have this magical, elusive superpower nobody seems to know how to get for themselves.  (Ok, I’ll admit just typing “star quality” feels utterly ridiculous — but we all know there’s something to it.)  And it isn’t just reserved for famous people.

I had the great pleasure of meeting actor Michael Stuhlbarg many years ago (before he was a mega-star like now) at LAByrinth Theatre Company’s Summer Intensive and I remember being totally captivated by him, just in conversation– And later I even called my husband after the reading he was in to tell him about this actor who had just read a role and was absolutely riveting and saying, “I don’t understand how this guy isn’t insanely famous”.  Weeks later, the Coen brothers’ film “A Serious Man” was announced.  I’m telling you, Michael Stuhlbarg had that dang star quality before he was a star.     

While I can’t tell you what Michael Stuhlbarg does to capture us, I can say that actors who embrace and include everything that’s happening in their work get really present, free and  magnetic in their work.  

Star quality is simply presence and you don’t have to wait to get a script to practice.  Getting really present in your everyday life will do wonders for you, both as a human and as an artist.     

Do you include everything you’re feeling in your work?  

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Maybe you woke up and you’re having a great day. You’ve got an audition and you’re like, “Yeah. I got this. This is good, I’m released, I’m feeling good!” Or, on my way to the audition, I spilled my coffee on my whatever and I’ve got some terrible text from my grandma, and all the sudden it’s like, shit! This is not how it’s supposed to be! And then all the sudden you’re out. And then you know you’re out. And it’s time to go, and you’re in your head, and you’re denying what you’re feeling in your body, and then you go and you’re either ahead of the text or you’re behind and you’re in your head and you flub. And then you have the thought of, “I don’t know this.” And then you forget a line! And then you can’t get back on track, right? This may sound familiar, to at least a certain degree.

Start to work with noticing what’s happening in your body and also allowing and embracing whatever is going on so that you can include it. The more you can do this kind of work…this is where you start to get impulsive and free auditions. You’ve done the work and you’ve got a really nice structure, format to work in that’s not a hard and fast rigid plan: “I’m gonna do this with my head, I’m gonna look exactly in this point…” You’ve worked that, you’ve made some choices to serve the overall idea of the story and what the writer put on there, and there’s some tone and there’s some things you want to work with. And then…you’re there.

You’re really embracing what’s happening for you, so that you can really be available to your impulses. Because if you’re shutting down and denying what you’re feeling, you’re blocking anything that comes up. You’re not going to be available to anything that comes up for you. You’re not going to have a moment of that free, that…it’s what casting directors love, where it feels like, oh they’re just so natural. It’s not just about natural. It’s you being alive and present. It’s presence. And that presence is so magnetic. It’s what people refer to as “star quality”.